The Simpsons season 13←The Simpsons season 12 The Simpsons season 14→
The Simpsons season 13 episodes list:
a). "hex and the city" The family sees a gypsy, but Homer's usual ineptitude causes the gypsy to seek her revenge by cursing him and his loved ones. In an effort to get the curse lifted, Homer catches a leprechaun and releases it upon the gypsy with surprising results. b). "House of Whacks" The family home obtains an upgrade, the Ultrahouse 3000, a computer that will do everything for them. Everything is going great until the house falls in love with Marge and tries killing Homer. c). "Wiz Kids" Bart and Lisa are attending wizard school. The evil Lord Montymort and Slithers have designs on capturing Lisa, so that Montymort can take her essence. They use Bart's rivalry with his sister as the means to get at her.
Abandoned by a prize seeking Homer, Milhouse and Bart go for an unintentional joyride in Chief Wiggum's squad car. In juvenile court, Milhouse gets his case dismissed; however, when Bart goes up before Judge Snyder he is just about to get out of it, when the judge's vacation starts. The replacement judge isn't a pushover and citing Homer's negligence she orders that Bart and Homer be tethered together. The pair attends school, work and Moe's together and begin bonding. Frustrated by the whole situation Marge cuts the tether and is caught. Judge Harm decides that both Bart's parents are unfit, so she has Homer and Marge put into stocks and put on public display. Homer and Marge break free and retaliate, only to get caught. When brought before Judge Harm they are about to have the book thrown at them, when Judge Snyder returns from vacation and declares that boys will be boys and dismisses the case.
Bart is digging a hole in the backyard, which turns into Homer telling a story at Moe's. Moe himself is feeling depressed, he misses his bartending school alma mater, Swigmore University. The guys talk him into going back and Moe leaves Homer in charge of the bar. Back at school Moe meets one of his old professors, who recommend that he reinvent his "crap-hole". Upon his return, the reinvention begins. Now called "M" it becomes an exclusive and Duff-less nightclub. Feeling like outcasts, Homer, Lenny, Carl and Barney set up "a hunting club" in Homer's garage, where there's plenty of Duff and a live band, REM. Moe decides he does not like his new bar and tries to join up with them again. Homer goes turkey hunting and shoots Moe (thinking he is a cougar), renewing their friendship. In the end, the Simpson family, Moe, and REM all celebrate Thanksgiving together.
Homer's foray into the fortune writing business leads to a romance for Mr. Burns. Then Burns seeks advice from Homer when he starts to romance, Gloria his new found love. Things look good for Monty who proposes marriage, just as Gloria's ex arrives on the scene, Snake, who's just recently escaped from prison. He grabs Gloria and Homer and takes them hostage, leaving Monty and the police to affect their rescue.
Marge falls for the image of the man on the package Burly paper towels. Homer and Bart scam Marge by making her think that Chad Sexington, the burly paper towel model, is coming to dinner. Who shows up in place of Chad? A shirtless Barney. To make up for her humiliation, Homer takes her and the family out to dinner and a show. A featured performer on the bill is Mesmerino and Homer offers himself up for hypnosis. When Homer reverts to himself at 12 years old, it triggers something within that causes him to start screaming incessantly. With the use of some Indian Memory Tea, Homer and Moe, recall when they were twelve and Homer found a dead body, which he never reported. The family journeys to the old quarry to find the body; which they do, with help from Chief Wiggum and Burly paper towels. They follow the drainage pipe back to its source, The pipe leads back to Burns' office at the plant. He disposed of a corpse thirty years earlier. It was the corpse of Wayland Smithers... senior. He shows an old film to prove the death was accidental. Homer and Marge journey home, with Homer feeling satisfied. Moe visits them and tells about how he cracked the case.
Bart orders a model rocket and Homer builds and tries to launch it. With help from some nerds and a hamster named Nibbles, a new rocket is built and launched, but results in the church being destroyed. The church looks to rebuild and Montgomery Burns offers his help, but only if he can run the church like a business. The over commercialization of the rebuilt church puts Lisa off; she leaves it for good in search of a new place to worship. She finds Lenny, Carl and Richard Gere at a Buddhist temple. Richard gives her some information about Buddhism and she converts. The family tries to use Christmas as a means to bring Lisa back to Christianity. Realizing what they are doing runs to the temple but learns from Richard that Buddhism allows for the tolerance of other beliefs. So as Homer puts it, she can "pay lip service" to Christianity while remaining a Buddhist.
The family is going through problems. A social worker sets out to fix them after a domestic violence charge. He is horrified at Homer when the vegas wives of Homer and Ned unexpectedly come to Springfield. Fed up with vegas, they want to replace Marge and Maude. Ned's new wife stays with him, but his dorky children drive her crazy. Homer tries unsuccessfully to get an annulment. Homer's vegas wife gets him kicked out of the house. Marge begins to feel sorry for Homer, so she devises a plan to get rid of his vegas wife. Homer gets her drunk and marries her to Abe. She is so distraught over being Mrs. Abraham Simpson that she and Ned's vegas wife flee, running down evergreen terrace. Senile as ever, grandpa forgets being married immediately.
The family goes to the library's used book sale; where Homer obtains a copy of Duff's Book of World Records. When he's gone through all the records, he decides to set one of his own. Duff tells him that all the personal records have been set. He needs to help set a group record. The town tries to set a record for the world's tallest human pyramid; but when they fail, they inadvertently set the record as the world's fattest town, which they celebrate. Only Marge has a problem with this. She goes to the Motherloving Sugar Company to lodge her complaint. The owner Garth Motherloving is less than cooperative, so Marge files a class action lawsuit. Professor Frink blows the whistle on "big sugar" and the court rules in Marge's favor and then bans all sugar from Springfield forever. All the town's sugar products are burned and Apu's store shelves are empty. Apu brings Homer into a group determined to smuggle sugar back into Springfield. Homer and Bart join with Apu, Mr. Burns, Count Fudgula and Garth Mothelovering in a scheme to smuggle in sugar from the island of San Glucose. They make it into Springfield Harbor, but are intercepted by the police. Evading Wiggum and Co., Homer finds himself faced with the decision to either "Dump Cargo" to make Marge happy or "Obey Bad Guy" and bring sugar to Springfield. He chooses the former, but Judge Snyder realizes that he's overstepped his authority and makes sugar legal once again.
The family watches the gay pride parade and then goes to the movies. Homer loudly protests the fact that the movie hasn't started, due to the length of ads and previews. When the ushers chase him out of the theatre, Homer runs straight into the glove of a statue of fighter, Drederick Tatum, and breaks his jaw. With his mouth wired shut and nothing else to do, Homer becomes a great listener and even a respectable member of society, which delights Marge. After his jaw has healed, Homer continues to be everything he never was before. On Afternoon YAK he promises to not revive his "weckless, weckless ways". Weeks later Marge realizes that their life has become dull, so she enters the family car in a demolition derby and soon finds herself in trouble. In a sequence reminiscent of the "Popeye" cartoons, Homer sucks down a can of Duff and comes to her rescue.
Homer's incessant snoring is keeping Marge awake and the cost for surgery to correct the problem is costly. She moves in with Patty and Selma to get some sleep. The news reports that Marge's former boyfriend, Artie Ziff, is the 5th richest man in America. Patty and Selma convince Marge that she should contact Artie, so they send an e-mail on her behalf. Artie receives the e-mail and reveals his 20-year obsession with Marge. Artie Ziff flies to the Simpson home and takes them for a ride. He then makes an indecent proposal, $1 million for Marge to spend a weekend with him, so they she might find out what life would have been like with him. After another sleepless night, Marge gives it serious thought, after all the money would allow them to pay for Homer's much needed nasal surgery. Marge goes off with Artie and Homer has second thoughts. Artie recreates their senior prom and tries to kiss Marge. Marge leaves Artie and returns to home find out that Homer has left town with Lenny. On the road, Homer and Lenny get a job at oil rig in West Springfield, which is "three times larger than Texas". Bart, Lisa and Marge figure out where Homer's at, but Marge needs help from Artie to find out exactly where he is. With his oil rig on fire, Homer declines rescue, until Artie gives up on Marge. Artie creates a solution for Homer's snoring problem, which at a subliminal level may help Artie with his Marge problem.
After giving up the Olympic torch that Homer has stolen, the family stops in at a carnival being held at a private school. Bart comes to the aid of a young girl being bullied. The girl is the daughter of Rainier Wolfcastle and she invites Bart to come to her house sometime. Bart goes to Greta's home and has a great time. The Wolfcastles come to the Simpson home and Greta expresses her interest in Bart, although he is a little slow on the uptake. On Bart's next visit he brings Milhouse. Greta invites Bart to her school dance, only Bart finds out that Skinner is going to be performing stand-up comedy and he can't resist. Skinner's act bombs, much to Bart's delight. Working with the theory that "women are easy, state capitals are hard", Bart breaks up with Greta. For revenge Greta starts hanging out with Milhouse. She then joins her dad for a film shoot in Toronto. Bart asks the family if they can go to Toronto. At Paramountie Studios Bart finds Greta only to find out that she interested in either Bart or Milhouse, so they both join the Canadian Olympic Basketball team. Back in Springfield, Skinner's act still sucks.
Bart has a day that gets better and better, until it starts really sucking when a crazy dog that hates him for no known reason starts stalking him. Bart is chased by the dog and he escapes from the dog by climbing a fence into the yard of Buck McCoy, a former star of western films. Bart learns more about Buck's history and back at home when Bart mentions that Buck is about the greatest guy who ever lived, Homer gets jealous. Buck comes to the Simpson's home for dinner and Bart brings the western look to Springfield Elementary. Bart and Lisa get Buck to appear on "The Krusty the Clown Show", but Buck hasn't appeared on live television in years; so to calm his nerves, he starts drinking. A drunken Buck shoots up the Krusty the Clown set, and Krusty himself. As a result Bart has lost his new hero and Homer who should feel happy about it isn't. So he and Marge go to Buck's to try sobering him up. When Snake and his gang are robbing Springfield's National Bank, Homer suggests that Buck stop the robbery to help restore his son's faith in the old cowboy. A couple of twirls of Buck's lariat soon put an end to the robbery.
Homer is anxiously awaiting the start of the new XFL season when the Springfield Retirement Castle calls to report the death of Abraham Simpson, but the report is a mistake. A new woman moves in down the hall and Grandpa decides that he wants to be able to drive a car again, one so that he can feel alive again and two so that he can impress the new woman, Zelda. With his new license in hand, Grandpa borrows Homer's car for a series of dates with Zelda. In a role reversal, Homer has to lay down the law when Abe stays out with the car all night. Abe runs into trouble at the Kwik-E-Mart with a rival gang of retirees that results in him competing in a death race. Abe wins the race, but Homer's car is ruined. Homer revokes Abe driving privileges. Zelda has a reservation in Branson and she goes with Abe's rival. Abe steals Marge's car and goes with Bart to Branson to get her back. When they get there Abe actually just gets back at her and calls her the "hootchie" everybody said she was.
Homer gets a letter from the library telling him about an overdue book. He checked it out when Bart was born to have something to read his child. Lisa suggests that he read them some stories from it now. Homer starts by telling the tale of the… a). "Odyssey" Homer is Odysseus, who delivers a Trojan horse to the King. After his troops are victorious, Odysseus ticks off the gods by refusing to make a sacrifice. They take their revenge upon him when they blow him and his crew off course, where they almost meet the Sirens and finally Circe, who turns his men into pigs. After Odysseus eats his men, he has to cross the river Styx to return home. When he arrives he takes out the trash. b). "Joan of Arc" Lisa is Joan in this retelling of the story of Joan of Arc. Joan sets out to help lead the French army to victory against the English, which she does, until she is captured. Joan is found guilty and is about to be burned at the stake, when Marge, not much for tragic endings, changes the ending so that Joan lives. c). "Hamlet" Bart is Hamlet and Homer asks him to avenge his death. Moe (as Uncle Claudius) had Homer killed so that he could marry the queen (Marge) and take over the kingdom. Hamlet discovers the king's treachery and goes to avenge his father's death. When he kills the wrong man, he must duel with Laertes (Ralph). When Laertes dispatches himself, Hamlet kills Uncle Claudius, then himself. Rather than clean up the mess, the queen also dispatches herself. Everyone is dead. Bart can't believe how boring the last story was, but Homer reminds him that is also became a great movie called "Ghostbusters." The family dances as the theme to that classic film plays in the background.
The family receives a $400 phone bill for a phone call to Brazil. Marge and Homer go down to the phone office to get this error corrected, they didn't make the call. Their visit results in their phone service getting cut off. Homer tries to steal phone service, but gets electrocuted for his trouble. Lisa confesses to making the call and tells them of the donations she'd made for an orphan boy named Renaldo in Brazil, with whom she'd lost contact with. The family decides to make a trip to Brazil to find him. The family flies down to Rio, as Maggie takes care of herself, under the watchful eyes of Patty and Selma. They split up with Lisa and Marge looking on one side of town and Homer and Bart on the other. Homer gets kidnapped when he gets into an unlicensed taxi. The kidnappers take Homer up the Amazon. Marge reports the kidnapping to an uncaring police department and Homer tries to raise the $50,000 on his own. Lisa finds Renaldo working for the kids show that Bart has watched with great sexual interest since arriving in Rio. Renaldo is now wealthy, thanks to the new dancing shoes Lisa's donation purchased for him, so he gives Lisa the $50,000 that will let them get Homer from the kidnappers. The transfer is made and Homer is returned, but as we leave our friends in Rio, Bart is celebrating Carnival in the belly of a snake.
Marge plants her own garden and when the crows arrive she puts up a scarecrow. Homer himself is scared by the scarecrow, so he sneaks upon it and destroys it. As a result, the crows look up to him as their leader. The crows hang out with him wherever he goes. The crows eventually overstay their welcome and Homer tries to shoo them away, the respond by attacking him. At the hospital, when Homer asks Dr. Hibbert what can be done for the pain in his eyes Dr. Hibbert prescribes medical marijuana. Homer starts getting legally high. At one point, in his high state of mind, Homer allows Flanders to read the entire bible to him. Flanders is also gets Homer's signature on a petition to get a ban on medical marijuana added to the next election's ballot. Being high at work also does a wonder for his career at the power plant, because when Homer laughs at all of Mr. Burn's jokes he is given a promotion to executive vice-president. Homer finds out about the ban being added to the ballot and a rally is organized in protest. The band Phish appears at the rally, but the attendees "have spaced on the date", they held their rally one day after the election; so medical marijuana has been banned. The medical marijuana is burned. Homer's medical condition was long since cured, Homer promises to never to smoke pot again. Mr. Burns calls Homer into help with his speech. Mr. Burns need to raise $60 million to appease his investors. Homer tries, but Smithers needs the use of Homer's last joint to think any of Mr. Burn's speech is funny. When Mr. Burns appears to dead from drowning in his bathtub, Smithers and Homer turn him into a marionette so that he can still appear before the investors. A dance performance by the strung up Mr. Burns gets his heart started again and he has recovered well enough to learn that the investors were distracted enough to not worry about the $60 million.
Our story begins a la "Forrest Gump", with Homer sitting on a park bench waiting for the rest of the family to arrive. While Chief Wiggum initially tells him isn't interested in hearing Homer's life story initially, he becomes intrigued as Homer goes right into it, in the form of flashbacks (clips). Homer is picked up and brought blindfolded to the Springfield Friar's Club where emcee Krusty the Klown and other friends and family roast Homer with their memories (more clips from past episodes). Bart and Lisa start followed by Mr. Burns, Grampa Simpson & Agnes Skinner, Reverend Lovejoy & Ned Flanders (a la "The Smothers Brothers"). The proceedings are interrupted by Kodos and Kang, whom rest the entire fate of humanity upon one human being, Homer Simpson; they cite him as "the fat selfish epitome of modern man". They probe him revealing more clips, which helps prove to them that humans are unfit to continue existing. Lisa talks them into probing the innocent mind of a child. The probing of Maggie's mind reveals to Kodos and Kang the most important thing of all for them; Earth is where there favorite celebrities live. Kodos and Kang attend the "People Choice Awards" and the episode ends with a wacky little ditty celebrating more clips, but telling the viewers "not to fear, they have stories for years."
Springfield Elementary finally gets a career day speaker that keeps the children's interest. The creator of cartoon inspires the children to come up with their own cartoon characters. Bart makes an initial comic strip of "Danger Dude," which he shows to the Comic Book Guy and Marvel Comics creator Stan Lee who happens to stop by the comic book shop, but never leaves. Their feedback leads Bart to search for other inspiration, which he finds in his own father. He makes Homer the main character in a comic that he calls "Angry Dad". It becomes very popular and an Internet company wants to make "Angry Dad" an Internet cartoon. They offer Bart stock in return for use of his strip. "Angry Dad" becomes even more popular, but when Homer sees it at work, he goes home very angry. The citizens of Springfield, who see him in his car angry, try to make him angrier to see what he'll do. The family realizes that Homer has anger management issues. Homer resolves to take it easy, leaving Bart without any material. Bart sets an elaborate trap to anger the now sedate Homer. Bart finds out that the Internet company has gone bankrupt and doesn't need his new material, just as Homer takes the bait for the trap. Homer gets green with anger, a la The Incredible Hulk and it turns out Bart has saved Homer's life; since the pent up rage would have killed him.
My goodness how the octuplets have grown! As we see when Manjula has brought the children to Kwik-E-Mart. After the children have left, Apu believes that the Squishee delivery lady has made a pass at him, by calling him handsome. The Simpson family is participating in the Civil War reenactment. Homer gets Barney (playing General Grant) to drink a mug of beer. The reenactment is "ripe with inaccuracies." Homer goes back to the Kwik-E-Mart and discovers Apu making out with the Squishee lady, he back out of the store all the way home and into bed. He has nightmares about the encounter and tells Marge guesses at what he's seen. They both have difficulty facing Apu and Manjula together. They confront Apu and soon Manjula finds out. She throws him out. Marge and Homer concoct a plan to bring Manjula and Apu back together. Apu asks for forgiveness, but gets divorce papers instead. Apu is about to end it all, when Manjula is willing to take him, provided he meets with her list of demands.
Lisa is failing gym. So that she won't fail and lose the Springfield Elementary the only accreditation they have, Principal Skinner gets Lisa a private coach. After seeing a vision of President Kennedy, Lisa is inspired to give gymnastics her best shot. While Bart is spending time with Grandpa he gets bitten by a Chinese mosquito. Lisa finds out that her fellow gymnastics students are actually college age, and rather than be embarrassed by her real age, she lets them think she is college age as well. Bart is diagnosed with "Panda virus" which makes him contagious, so Dr. Hibbert puts him in a plastic bubble for a week. Meanwhile Lisa has started hanging out with college age students at a coffee house listening to Robert Pinsky read his poetry. Bart starts using his plastic bubble to rescue nerds from the bullies. Some of those nerds follow Lisa when they think she is up to something. They find her at college analyzing "Itchy and Scratchy" cartoons and Milhouse exposes her. Embarrassed she leaves and back at home, she gets in trouble for going to college (16 credit hours worth) and her fellow grade school students won't relate with her anymore. She gets advice from Bart on how to win them back, which she does by making a splash on the cake created for Seymour Skinner Day.
Homer's ordered Marge an anniversary gift, a pond for the backyard. The new pond attracts a screaming caterpillar. The "screamapillar" as the family finds out is an endangered species and by law they are responsible for its well being. When Homer believes he has killed the insect he tries to hide that fact. The "screamapillar" is okay, but Homer is found guilty of "attempted insecticide" and "aggravated buggery" and is sentenced to 200 hours of community service. Homer begins delivering "Meals on Wheels" and runs scared into the closet when one of his elderly clients appears to be threatening him with an axe. It turns out she is just a kindly old woman, who asks Homer to join him for some company. He starts lending her a hand, and she seems to be taking advantage of him. Marge goes to see her and then finds herself helping the old woman as much as Homer has been. When the old woman turns up dead; Homer and Marge are considered top suspects, when they are named beneficiaries of the woman's will. They suspect the "man with braces," who they saw leaving the scene. Everyone suspects them. When the woman's diamond necklace is found in their home, they are arrested. The children are sent to a yokel foster home and Marge and Homer are found guilty and sentenced to the electric chair. When Homer realizes that Marge is going to miss the children, he confesses to the crime, which allows for her release. On the electric chair Homer is about to be electrocuted when it is revealed he is a participant on a new reality game show "Frame Up". The man with the braces is the host, and Homer's murder victim is actually still alive. The old woman is actually Carmen Electra in disguise. Homer is freed, but disgusted that people's lives are toyed with for TV ratings; this he says while looking Carmen Electra directly in the breasts.
Springfield is in the midst of a heat wave. The nuclear plant is at capacity and when one of its crack employees, Homer Simpson, plugs in just one appliance too many, the city has a blackout. Looting begins and the police are ineffective. In an attempt to try doing something right for a change, Homer starts his own security company to help keep order. Chief Wiggum finds himself without a job, when Mayor Quimby decides that "Spring Shield" security should become the city's new police force. Homer shuts down one of Fat Tony's operations and with that crime is non-existent. Fat Tony makes a public announcement that he is going to gun down Homer if he isn't out of town by tomorrow at noon. Homer appeals for help, only no one of importance offers to help. The following day, Fat Tony and New Jersey associates a la The Sopranos go to the Simpson home. Shots ring out, effectively wounding Fat Tony and friends. Homer decides to give his badge to the next person he sees, which happens to be Clancy Wiggum. He comments that's the way he got the job in the past, he also disavows any knowledge of the shots; but we know who the shooter is, it's Maggie Simpson.